一天夜里，那个稍微小一些的孩子突然痛苦地哭了起来。

“我根本不想这样，”她呜咽着说，“是爸爸妈妈硬那样规定的，但是，丹尼尔说，如果我不那么做的话他就再也不跟我说话了。”

“过来，”稍大一些的那个女孩轻蔑地说道，“你不会稀罕一个乳臭未干的小子的。”

她的话似乎并没有让小女孩儿平静下来，小女孩伸出手拿起了手机，似乎作出了一个很重要的决定般拨通了电话，自语道：“我要给丹尼尔打电话。”

她娃娃般的声音中透着紧张和哽咽:“嗨，丹尼尔，是我。我感到糟糕极了。没人告诉我事情会变成这样……就好像我真的做了什么可怕的事一样……一件再也无法挽回的事。我不知道自己该怎样面对……我似乎应付不来……丹尼尔，我好怕。”

当她停下来准备听丹尼尔怎么回应时，我想我们都想知道电话的那头会如何回应。“哦，是吗？”我们听到女孩儿说，“哦，那好吧，咱们再聊。”

她放下电话，愣愣地发着呆，看起来像个十足的孩子。她的朋友不耐烦了，问道:“丹尼尔到底说什么了？”

过了一会儿，小女孩儿才回答说:“他说他刚理了个新发型。”

From the moment our children are born, we as parents want to give them our best. Shower them with love, wrap them in security, feed and comfort them, respond to all their needs.

For how long should we be doing this  Is there ever a case for not heeding their cries  Being in a position to alleviate their distress, or, quite simply, to make them happy, why on earth shouldn’t we  If nothing else, a prompt response eliminates a lot of friction.

Never mind if the children are deprived of a chance to explore their hidden resources through longing, yearning, dreaming of things they cannot have. Of the supreme satisfaction of finally obtaining something long coveted.

But imagine being the child of parents who have allowed this pattern to continue: Entering the adult world only to find that it does not cater to your every need but is full of individuals likewise deluded into thinking they come first…

Imagine seeing your relationships fail because all they are based on is want. Because you have never been taught the art of renouncing your own demands for the sake of another…

Insistence on relief the minute a need arises is as bad as any addiction. Training children to survive unaided ? physically, emotionally, socially ? is a duty all parents owe their offspring. And the earlier it starts the better.

Would you be one of those who go through life apologizing to your parents for being what you are or, rather, for not being what they had hoped for 

If so, you are the victim of an artful, not uncommon, form of parental manipulation. Nothing is easier for a mother, or father or, in extreme cases, both, than instilling a sense that the offspring does not measure up to expectation.

It suits their purposes ideally: augments their ability to exert control, lessens the risk of misbehaviour and, not least, ensures continual efforts on behalf of the child to win the approval otherwise withheld.

If this hold can be maintained into adult age, the advantage grows in proportion, often transferring to the new young family, who will live in awe of in-laws and grandparents.

As they get elderly and more dependent, such parents step up their demands, making son or daughter dance attendance,terrified of doing anything to displease. Still no effort will ever be sufficient to make up for disappointing them.

Only death will break the fetters of this carefully devised entrapment. And the parents will go to their grave never having received the gift of their child’s true affection.

Like most seven-year-olds, I adored my first teacher, seeing her as infinitely superior in her elevated position of authority, appointed to dispel the darkness of our ignorance.