这件事让我再一次明白，人是多么容易只从自己的角度看问题，甚至忽略了他人也同样是站在自己角度的事实。

不管你是多么地平静或平和，仍旧可能遇到这样的情形：那些你找不到理由不喜欢的人却不知怎的变成了你的敌人。他们不顾一切地中伤和毁谤你，破坏你一直以来的努力，戳你的痛处。

与任何一个好人一样，对于这种意想不到的敌意，你可能会拼命回想，找到可能的原因――我曾经做了什么会让这个人如此愤怒？我得罪别人了吗？是不是我错过了一条重要的信息？你会尽可能地找到原因，并焦虑地要把事情掰正。

然而，如果你所犯下的错误仅仅是做了你自己并且还想煞费苦心地改变它，这并不容易。

总会有一些人，他们就是不喜欢你的样子，不喜欢你说话、微笑的方式。这些跟你的个性、是否做了错事或是有什么缺点都没有关系。往往是你最好的特质招来了人的厌烦。

有些人就是会对那些没招惹他的人生气，对那些比他好的人产生敌意。他们永远不会原谅你，而且还会期待着你受到惩罚。

如果下次你与这样的人发生口角，别为此郁闷，尽可能地逃走吧，并且别忘提醒自己，你不是那个有问题的人。

One of the best things in life is the offering of good company: ready laughter, easy camaraderie and, whenever needed, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold.

True friendship, worth its weight in gold, is easy to define in that it’s perfectly balanced, unaffected by privilege or position; both parties contributing to the best of their ability,and no one ever taking advantage.

The desire for friendship as an insurance against loneliness and isolation like any basic need makes us vulnerable, open to exploitation by those who use the cloak of friendship to hide a host of less honourable intentions.

Reasonably harmless are the kind who are friendly only when they stand to gain from it. Worse are those who, eaten by envy and resentment, raise themselves by lowering another, trample on one who extends a helping hand; gain control exerting insidious pressure; and delight in someone else’s degradation.

Such people often masquerade as friends, but, really, they are enemies out to destroy: Extremely dangerous ? and best avoided.

So watch out for the signs: beware false friends, whilst at the same time doubling your appreciation of those who prove themselves true.

I know of a young family. The woman doesn’t believe in marriage. Her father was a difficult, abusive man; her mother brow-beaten, down-trodden. Determined not to risk ending up like her, she retains control of home and children.

Her partner is a good family man. He would dearly like to have legal rights to his own children, see them bear his name; be joint owner of the home they share. As it is, their mother could at any time lock the door, throw him out, walk off with a new lover, taking the children with her.

I know a couple: a middle-aged business-man and a younger, professional woman. His first marriage ended in divorce. It cost him a lot of money. Never again, he vows, will he put himself at such disadvantage.

His partner dreams of marriage and a family, but her reality is a long-term limbo. The man’s friends don’t quite accept her. The ex-wife won’t let the children meet her. Occasions with his family place her discreetly in the background. She feels they all regard her as inferior: the one not good enough, or loved enough, to be his wife.

There must be many similar scenarios, where the ones who, for reasons of their own, won’t commit themselves have it all their way; whilst those willing to give themselves freelysuffer in silence.

“How is married life ” I asked a childhood friend over a cup of coffee. We were in our mid-twenties; hadn’t seen each other for years. I’d heard she’d got married shortly after leaving school.