她那一向温柔体贴的女儿突然大哭了起来。“妈妈，别再说了。”她请求道，“你一定知道这是多么伤人。”

她母亲犀利地看了看她：“别为你的情绪责怪我，亲爱的，你不是也说过吗，应该为自己的感受负责。”

“不，”突然间，我的朋友似乎悟到了什么，那或许是她生命中最重要的觉悟，“如果别人是有意去伤害你，那句话就不适用。”

我是每个欺凌弱小者的盘中餐，我总是能像蜂蜜吸引蜜蜂一样吸引各色爱欺负人的家伙。面对攻击，我好像毫无抵抗力。

每次别人故意攻击我的时候，不管是语言上的还是身体上的，我都会哭鼻子，完完全全地向耻辱投降，让那些人得逞。

我是多么痛恨自己如此懦弱！痛恨自己不能站起来反抗，这让我感到深深地羞愧。

那时，天真的我并没有认识到，在你原本以为会找到友谊的地方发现残酷，或是在你信任他人的时候却发现虚伪时，感觉到委屈并不代表着软弱。

后来，我逐渐发觉，这种特殊的痛苦感并非仅是我对个人经历的体验，当面对诸多人类不公时――小动物被虐待的故事、毫无缘由的暴力事件、大屠杀的纪录片、现代战争的暴行――我能感受到同样的哽咽和酸楚。

然而，我所为之悲恸的，并非受害者，他们的灵魂并没有被恶魔占据。我的悲恸，是为那些误导无辜者的人们，他们有意让自己失去了生命中唯一有价值的东西，失去了唯一能给生命赋予价值的东西。

他们让自己否定和远离了作为一个人所应该体验到的善良和美好。对他们而言，无所谓希望，也无从拯救。

如今，当我的眼泪为他们而流时，我已不再感到羞愧。

With marital breakdown and single parenthood increasing, step-families are becoming more and more common. Such relationships are never easy. Indeed, the worst mistake people make is to pretend they are.

Having witnessed first-hand the powerful emotions ruling the responses of those involved in family arrangements not of their choosing, I can’t help noting, with interest that women who have a family and re-marry tend to be apologetic to their new partner for saddling him with another man’s issue; whereas a man with a family is much more likely to be apologetic towards his progeny for replacing their mother in his affections.

In the first instance, children are made to feel that they are an undesired, undesirable appendage; in the other, the children appoint themselves critical, resentful judges of their father’s choice. Neither is conducive to harmonious co-existence, or a healthy psychological climate.

We all need the family as a comfortable and secure base camp: a place to prepare for life’s battles and recover in between campaigns.

All members of a troop have an equal right to its facilities. So let’s forget about apologizing. Support each other, irrespective of blood ties, the way no one else will.

A man I know is a troubled soul. Mid-life, he had a breakdown. In therapy he was told to make a list of things he felt he couldn’t cope with, and overleaf, write down what he most enjoyed.

“Well done,” said the therapist, as he handed in his list. “That’s the bulk of your work done. All that remains is for you to decide what you want to do about all these.”

He started by saying good-bye to the things he didn’t favour: wife, children, elderly father, drooling dog. The family home he sold at a handsome profit, which allowed him to pay off both wife and hefty mortgage.

His job was next in line: early retirement on the grounds of ill health. Then he went to live in a small apartment in Torremolinos, where he could indulge, all year round, in the two items on his list of preference: golf and windsurfing.

If he wasn’t entirely happy, he was at least, at last, in therapeutic parlance, true to himself.

Two years later he was back in London receiving treatment for depression.